Following on from the last article I wrote which discussed the importance of knowing the difference between your hobbies and career options I sat down and made some very bold decisions in light of the discoveries I had made within that article.
I know that I want to pursue music. I know that the business side doesn’t intrigue me and I know in my heart that I want to perform. I always have wanted to perform, it’s just that I get sooo nervous! Even just thinking about it as I type makes my heart pound a mile a minute.
Over this past week I have applied for several universities, attended open days, wrote two songs on the guitar, been in contact with artists who are on the path I’m going to be getting on, and have arranged several interviews.
The thing is, fear got in the way and I let it win. I had an interview today which I cancelled last minute because I was afraid and unprepared. I haven’t really performed in front of anyone especially without an instrument or someone else to sing with me. I feel so raw and bare and I haven’t even done it yet! That’s just how I think it’s going to be like. People judging my musical talents or abilities and telling me that I’m not good enough or me making a mistake which will destroy the whole thing.
Obviously this is not going to happen especially if I practise a lot beforehand but it’s just my thoughts getting in the way of what I want out of life. It’s the first time I really know what it is that I need to be doing and I can barely get passed the first and probably biggest hurdle – actually getting on the track in the direction I need to be heading. If I can get past this, I believe that I can do anything!
I literally poured all of my fears into an email to the university and they called me back within the hour to encourage and comfort me. He (being a member of the admin team) was so kind and spent a lot of time talking with me about everything and he helped me to understand that my fears were trying to confuse me and tell me that I don’t know what I’m doing when in actual fact I do. I decided to be brave and try again. I re-booked my auditions and interviews with him and ended the call with him letting me know that if I feel nervous again and don’t think I can do the interview or audition to give them a call so that they can help me and hopefully rid me of my fears so that I can carry on and ace the interviews.
The reason I am sharing this is because there may be things you want to do but you don’t feel you can or you try and it doesn’t work, but you know that’s what you want to do or where you need to be. Try again! Don’t give up on your dreams.
I know I need to do these interviews; not even the course, to prove to myself that I can do it and that I’m great at it and that it’s going to be ok. Performing is all I want to do so at some point I’m going to have to do it. How long can I wait before I start living my dreams? I can’t run away from my destiny and I truly believe this is my calling, so I just have to do it! Nerves and all.
Now that I think about it, the reason I’m so nervous all the time is because I care so much about it and know how important this is for me. That’s a good thing. I just need to learn how to control it so it doesn’t hold me back.
If you’re feeling nervous or have a strong desire to do something wonderful with your life, then I encourage you to face your fears head on and go and live the life that you want to live because it won’t be waiting forever and how long do you want to wait before you pluck up the courage to achieve it?
Now, it’s time for round two of interviews! I have one next week and two a few weeks after. Let’s get to practising!